Jon was a bastard. At least that was his reality growing up. Unlike Dorne, winterfell treats bastards as bastards. Even though he was the bastard child of the honorable Ned Stark, his reality didn't change.
Almost every school of thought in psychology talks about the importance of childhood in shaping an individual’s psyche. The child while growing up, develops trust on other individuals and the world in general which in turn influences one’s self worth and deservability. Growing up with a reality that you are not desired and where your very own existence is questioned often leads the child to grow up with guilt. Adults with these childhood experiences often end up with a low self esteem and low deservibility. John could only connect with a few growing up. One being his uncle Ben who was also a bastard. Two were Arya and Bran, who were the non judgemental children. In his adult life, his relationship with Ygritte, Sam and few brothers at the Night’s Watch made him feel more deserving of the love and the friendship. However, his deversability quotient was always low. With possibly the most powerful genetic combination in Westros (he literally is the fire and ice), he never wanted the throne. At some level this can also indicate that he felt unworthy of the throne. While Daenerys who also went through a rough childhood, never had any hesitations on her claim to the throne. Her early years with her brother didn't change her narrative about her worth. Jon is often shy of his achievements. He doesn't want to be a leader, although he was always pushed into them. In spite of being a leader all his life, he is content in his own space. This can also be a projection of how worthy he perceives himself to be of the praises and the compliments. The truth about his mother and father might have given him some sense of peace, but he was happy to let it go. Truth we learn in our adult life can impact our logic but the reality we grow up with, will always remain at our core sense of self.
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